


Hello, My Name Is...

by HylianHarmony



Series: Linked Universe Fics [6]
Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack fics can have cracks, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen, Humor, idiots being idiots, pity laugh please, this was supposed to be short, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23616223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HylianHarmony/pseuds/HylianHarmony
Summary: In which the Links sit down to establish what everyone is going to be called because it was confusing with just two Links, and now there are nine. Hylia, help us all!Or"No, cub, you may not be called Bacon."-Based off of Jojo56830's Linked Universe AU-
Series: Linked Universe Fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1344637
Comments: 28
Kudos: 402





	Hello, My Name Is...

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Easter to those who celebrate it, and to those who don't celebrate it, I hope you have a wonderful day regardless. ^v^
> 
> The world is a crazy place at the moment, and I feel we could all use a laugh. Hence, why I dug out this unfinished project and spent the last three days finishing it. I had a lot of fun writing this fic, so I hope you have fun reading it. Hopefully it will produce a chuckle or two. Enjoy!
> 
> (P.S. To anyone reading my ongoing fics, "Colors" and "The Legend of Zelda: Linked Together", know that I have not abandoned them. The new chapters are currently in the process of being written. I sincerely thank you all for your support and your patience.)
> 
> (P.P.S. Extra thanks to my dear friend FriedCuccoLady for coming up with the tag "crack fics can have cracks". It's absolutely brilliant. Seriously, great advice. Honestly, if it weren't for her encouragement this probably wouldn't be posted today, because I'm too much of a perfectionist to be completely satisfied with anything I create. But crack fics can have cracks, so this is fine. :P) 
> 
> ~Hylian Harmony

It was pretty obvious from the start that everyone needed nicknames. Link was a name reserved solely for the hero of whose ever land they happened to be in. Consequently, this meant eight of them were always stuck with introducing themselves using their nicknames. Which was fine.

Hero titles seemed to get the job done well enough. Until, of course, they didn't. Turns out, as weird as names could be across all eras, names like Sky, Legend, Wild, Twilight, Wind, Time, Warrior, Four, and dear goddesses above, _Hyrule_ , were not normal. Seriously, what parents named their kid after a country? Or slapped a number on them for a name for that matter? No one. Apparently.

Which was exactly why the nine heroes were currently gathered around a haphazard campsite in the Hero of Twilight's Hyrule Field discussing new names.

"No, cub, you may not be called Bacon," Twilight declared, arms crossed to solidify his decision.

"Why not?" Wild whined.

"Because that's not a name."

"Anything can be a name if you try hard enough."

"Apple," Legend interjected, catching the apple he'd just tossed into the air.

Wild jabbed a finger at him. "Yes! That can be a name!"

"No, it can't!" Twilight objected.

Wild challenged his mentor with a look and his mentor challenged him right back with a pointed look of his own.

"We should just call him Foodie," Warrior suggested. "Or Cookie. He cooks. It's also the name of a dessert. Win-win, eh Wild?"

Wild flashed Warrior a goofy grin and a thumbs up. Twilight just pinched the bridge of his nose.

Time cleared his throat. "Unless you've forgotten, the goal here is to pick _normal_ names."

"Preferably names that won't get us kicked out of inns," Sky chimed in helpfully, thus reminding everyone of the inn they were just refused from on account of being "suspicious". It seemed that nine boys and men armed to the teeth were acceptable. But nine boys and men armed to the teeth sporting odd names was where the line was drawn.

"But how do we do that?" Wind wondered.

"Pick a name you always liked and use that?" Hyrule proposed.

"But we _all_ have to remember them." Four objected. "There should be a system to it."

"What system could there possibly be?" Warrior demanded, quirking an elegant eyebrow. "We're already going by our hero titles."

"So base our new names off of our hero titles," Four returned smoothly.

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try, Hero of Men who wields the Four Sword," Warrior said. "You have Men or Four to choose from. Maybe Sword, too. In any case, none of them will help you."

The blacksmith shook his head, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips as if he believed Warrior to be hopeless. He may have been, to be honest. "You're taking it too literal. What I mean is to take inspiration from the titles."

"Then demonstrate, please," Warrior invited him.

Four drew himself up to his full height, which was just a little taller than the Master Sword, and walked them through his thought process, head held high. "Honestly, the title of Hero of Men doesn't do much for me in the way of inspiration. However," Four stuck a finger in the air at Warrior's smirk. "The Four Sword, does. More specifically, the name it was given before it was dubbed the Four Sword. You see, it was originally called the Picori Blade, after the race that forged it. While naming myself after a race would be suspicious, drawing on the last two syllables of the word is perfectly acceptable since Cori is, in fact, a name. Therefore, my name will be Cori."

"Good call," Wild commended him. He elbowed Hyrule in the side with a mischievous smile stretching his lips. "Imagine if he'd used the first part."

Hyrule tilted his head in thought as he tried to recollect the name of the race and all the syllables it was made up of.

Wind realized what the champion was hinting at first and promptly fell over in a fit of giggles. "Pi!" Wind gasped between laughs. "It sounds like pee!"

With the joke on display, all the less mature members of the group—Wild, Hyrule, and Wind—collapsed, rolling around on the grass and clutching their sides as they laughed their heads off.

Sky, despite finding the others' laughter contagious, managed to remain upright. Warrior smirked while Twilight put his head in his hands, and Legend rolled his eyes to the heavens as if they possessed the answer as to why his companions were such idiots. Time simply stared at the Links writhing on the ground, unimpressed.

At first glance, Four's expression mirrored Time's, but upon closer inspection, one could see the minute twitches in his face as he fought not to be amused by the childish joke. Though he managed to keep his mirth inside, anyone paying attention would know Four was not as mature as he claimed.

Fortunately for him, no one was paying attention. They were all either struggling to compose themselves or struggling to get the ones on the ground to grow up.

By some miracle, they were all successful in their efforts to some degree.

"What is a Picori anyway?" Hyrule wondered a few minutes later, wiping away a stray tear.

"They're—none of you know?" Four cast his astonished gaze around at his companions. Confusion and blank stares were all he received in return. "They're tiny mouse creatures, about the size of a grown Hylian's thumb. They were significant on my journey."

"If you say so," Legend drawled, sounding like he didn't believe him.

"That's fine. Cori is easy enough to remember," Time interjected, leveling his single eye on each of them as if daring someone to protest. No one did. "Now who else has a name in mind?"

"We can call you Thyme!" Wild suggested.

"You already call me Time."

"No, not like _time_ time. I mean thyme! Like the herb."

A combination of groans and laughter rippled through the collection of heroes.

Time sighed. "Anyone with a serious idea?"

"For you?" Four asked.

"For anyone."

"Well…Wild seems to be obsessed with food-based names so how about he go by Oliver? It's normal sounding enough and olives are food."

"Hmm…not as good as Bacon, but I'll take it," Wild relented.

"It's way better than Bacon," Twilight muttered under his breath.

"What do we call you Twi?" Wild asked.

"I don't know. I haven't thought of anything yet."

"How about Wolf?"

"No!"

Wild grinned. "We can spell it with a "u", make it rugged."

"Absolutely not!

"Why not? It matches that fur pelt you always wear."

"But then we'd get him confused with Wolfie," Wind pointed out.

Four laughed.

Wind shot him a perplexed look. "What?"

"Nothing! I agree. It would be too confusing."

"Then how about-"

"You're banned from suggesting names!" Twi exclaimed, cutting Wild off with a glare.

"Oh, I have one!" Wind exclaimed, his hand shooting into the air.

"Is it serious?" Twilight demanded.

"Yes!"

Twilight reluctantly gave him the go ahead.

"I can go by Gale. Get it? It's a type of wind," the Hero of Winds explained.

"Nice pick, sailor," Warrior commended him.

"Thanks!" Wind chirped.

"Yeah, that might be the most normal one yet," Legend added.

"And Oliver and Cori aren't?" Four demanded, thoroughly put out.

"No, they are!" Sky reassured him. "This is just the easiest to remember so far since it matches with his hero title almost exactly. Actually, I had a similar idea for mine."

Wind bounced in place eagerly. "What is it?"

"Skyler."

"Now _that_ is easy to remember!" Hyrule said, and the rest of them nodded in agreement.

"Alright, Cori, Oliver, Gale, and Skyler," Time listed off, pointing to each boy in turn. "And I think I'll go with Ivan."

"Why Ivan?" Sky asked. "Not that it's a bad name. I'm just wondering."

"And you get to keep wondering," Time returned, winking at Sky. Or maybe he was just blinking. The world may never know.

"I know an Ivan," Wind piped up. "He leads a gang."

"Perfect," Legend declared smugly as Warrior barked out a laugh.

"It's a gang of little kids," Wind clarified.

Legend laughed. "Even better!"

"Are we a gang now?" Hyrule wondered, sounding intimidated by what such a designation would entail. Sky appeared equally appalled.

Time coughed to disguise his amusement. "Moving on. Warrior you're up."

"Right!" Warrior snapped to attention. "Uh…hmm."

"Any day now," Legend teased him after a few moments of silence.

"Shut up! I'm thinking." Warrior frowned at his boots, deep in thought. "Soldier…general…captain…lieutenant…Lou—is? Eh, no. What else? What else?" Warrior mumbled, evidently trying to draw his name from a word the same way Four had.

"Knight?" Twilight spoke up.

"Military?" Time suggested.

"Millie's a girl's name," Warrior continued to mutter. "Tarry is…eugh."

"What's wrong with Tarrey?" Wild wondered. "It's the name of a town in my Hyrule."

"All the more reason to not choose it, then," Warrior said. Besides he refused to associate himself with a word that meant being tardy or lazy in any capacity, even temporarily. He was a general in an army. If he was late to a battle or to aiding a comrade, it equaled death. "Army…fort…base…garrison! Gar-Gari…Garrick? Garrickson. Yeah, that works. I'll go by Garrickson."

"Nice!" Wild cheered, voicing his approval. "With that name you could be employed at Tarrey Town."

Warrior shot a puzzled look at the champion. "What?"

"Tarrey Town is built and run by people with names ending in –son," Wild explained as if such a restriction was normal.

A beat passed in silence. "I'm changing it."

"No!"

Warrior stabbed a finger in Wild's direction. "I'm not going to be affiliated with any of your Hyrule's weirdness!"

"It's not weird," Wild refuted.

"It is," Twilight said, clasping Wild's shoulder. "Trust me, it is."

Wild crossed his arms over his chest and puffed his cheeks out in a pout. "Well, whatever. I still think Garrickson's a cool name."

"It's Garrick now." Warrior sighed.

"You're better off, Gar-Bear," Legend insisted with a smirk. He clapped Warrior on the back.

"Don't call me that," Warrior leveled the pink-haired hero with a withering glare. "Ever."

"Why? Don't like it?"

"No, it sounds stupid. Where and why did you even come up with that?"

Legend shrugged. "It rhymes, and it sounds kind of like care bear which isn't a thing, but if it was I imagine it would be something disgustingly girly that you'd probably be into."

An offended noise clawed its way out of Warrior's throat.

"Plus I need some name besides your real one to tease you with. Otherwise it'll be suspicious."

"We don't need nicknames for our fake names!" Warrior protested.

"We do if we want to be convincing," Legend insisted. He'd traveled far and wide. He should know. "How do you feel about Garry?"

Warrior narrowed his eyes. "Garrick."

Legend relented, raising his hands. "Fine, fine, Garrick. At least it's better than Garrickson. That name's way too much of a mouthful. Not to mention pretentious."

"You have no room to talk, _Legend_." Warrior scoffed. "I can't wait to hear what name you've come up with."

Legend didn't even hesitate. "Gulley."

" _Gulley?"_

"Aww! It sounds like seagull," Wind cooed, cupping his cheek and squinting an eye closed as if the cuteness of the name was too much to take.

"It is cute," Four agreed with a warm smile.

"Exactly!" Warrior cried. "It's too innocent for you."

"It's a normal name, and I didn't take a century to choose it unlike some people." While Warrior dramatically grasped at his chest as if he'd been shot by an arrow, Legend turned to Hyrule. "What about it, 'Rule? What have you got?"

"Er…well. I don't really have anything?" Hyrule admitted with a sheepish shrug and swiftly reddening ears. "There's not much I can make out of Hero of Hyrule."

"You think I got Gulley from my hero title?" Legend waved his hand flippantly. "Forget titles. I just picked a name of someone I know. Much easier that way. After all, it's not like we'll be using these names in our own Hyrules."

Hyrule moaned in response, burying his face in his hands. "That's not going to work."

"Why not? You don't have to like the name. We won't be using them that much."

"That's…it's—I can't use the name Gannon."

"Dear Gods, no! Why would you?!"

"Because I don't know any more boy names!" Hyrule cried, lifting his head to reveal eyes shining with unshed tears.

"Wha-! Are you serious?" Warrior interjected, sharing in Legend's disbelief.

"There has to be something else," Twilight said. "Haven't you come across people on your journey?"

"Well, yeah," Hyrule mumbled, eyes flicking to the ground. He tugged on a blade of grass.

"They couldn't have all been girls, surely," Sky chimed in, expression soft and encouraging.

He twisted the green blade around his pointer finger. "They weren't."

"What were their names?" Time dared to ask.

Hyrule mumbled a reply.

"Gotta speak louder than that, bud," Warrior said.

"Old Man," Hyrule muttered.

Time furrowed his brow. "Hmm?"

"No. That was his name. I kept meeting an old man in caves around Hyrule. His name was Old Man."

"That's not a name," Legend deadpanned.

Hyrule clenched a fist around the mangled piece of grass. "I know."

"Were there any others?" Four ventured since everyone else seemed too scared to ask for more information.

"I did meet another guy..."

"Was his name Guy?" Warrior joked. Twilight shushed him sharply.

"Error."

"What the-?! That's not a name either!" Legend exclaimed.

"I _know_!" Hyrule cried in despair, ripping the blade of grass from the earth and falling on his side, curling up into a dejected ball.

Struggling to contain his laughter, Wind bounded over and draped himself across the brunette. The sailor patted his friend's cheek reassuringly. "Don't worry, 'Rule! I know tons of names. How about Fado?"

"Fado's a girl's name, Wind," Time said.

"No, it isn't," Wind objected, twisting his face up in confusion and directing it at the Hero of Time.

"It is."

"No, it isn't, Time," Twilight said. "I know a man named Fado. He lives in my village."

"And a girl named Fado lives in the village where I grew up," Time countered.

"She has a boy's name." Wind giggled, tumbling off of Hyrule.

Time took a moment to consider this before shaking his head. "No. I believe the men you two know have feminine names."

"No way!"

"You're mistaken."

While Time, Twilight, and Wind debated over whether or not the name Fado was more suited to a male or a female, the rest of the Links offered their services to the dejected hero.

"I know plenty of boy names. I can list some off and you can tell me which one you like," Sky offered, pulling Hyrule into a sitting position with a gentle smile.

"I can help too," Wild added. "I've met a ton of people, so I have lots of names stored in my head."

A wavering smile found its way onto the Hero of Hyrule's face at his friends' kindness.

"Shouldn't we stay away from names from our own eras?" Warrior wondered. "What if we run into that person and have to use the fake names?"

"Oh no! Two people sharing a name! I can't imagine how awkward that would be!" Legend lamented, putting the back of his hand to his temple as if he felt faint. He snapped upright, glare in full force. "Come on, War, or should I say _Link._ " He splayed his hands around the campsite to accentuate his point. "It's not impossible for people to share a name."

The captain rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying. Still."

"Why don't we choose his name the same way I chose mine?" Four proposed.

Legend crossed his arms over his chest. "Because your way is complicated."

"Wait," Warrior put out a hand to halt Legend from saying more. Not that he had any intention of doing so. "I want to see how Smithy thinks he's going to make a normal name out of Hero of Hyrule."

Smiling at the challenge, Four scrutinized Hyrule, taking in the boy's hunched posture and trembling lower lip. Seconds passed, followed by a minute, and shortly there-after Warrior snorted.

"I knew it! You've got nothing."

"Rover," Four spat out in his defense.

"Ha! That's a dog's name." Legend poked the brown-haired boy's cheek mockingly. "Come on, Rover. Roll over."

Hyrule slapped his hand away with a scowl. "Not funny."

"It's hilarious," Legend insisted.

As the Hero of Legend continued to relentlessly tease his successor, Sky turned to the shortest hero with a plea in his eyes. "Have any other names?"

Four pursed his lips. "Rover is a perfect fit seeing as it means "wanderer" and wandering is a large part of what Hyrule does. However, if Legend's going to be a child about it—"

"You're short!"

Aside from a slight twitch, Four did not react to the jibe. "As I was _saying_ , if Legend insists on being a child, then I suppose I can come up with another option." He cupped his chin in thought, closing his eyes.

"How about Rhoam?" Wild suggested. "You know? Because Hyrule likes to roam around the world."

"Mmm not sure if that's a normal name, Wild," Sky titled his head to the side apologetically.

"It's a real name! It was the name of a king. He's dead now, though, so we wouldn't have to worry about running into him," he said, adding the last part for Warrior's benefit.

"I don't want to be named after a dead king!" Hyrule objected, pausing in his half-hearted scuffle with Legend. "That's even worse!"

"Well take your pick. It's either dead king or dog." Legend smirked.

"Nooo," Hyrule whined, leaning away from Legend when he made to ruffle his hair. "Four! Are you done thinking yet?"

Luckily for him, the smithy had completed his contemplation moments ago and had been waiting for an opportunity to reveal his wisdom. He waited a moment more before speaking—just because it was funny to see Legend messing with Hyrule, but he'd never admit that. "You're a traveler, so we'll call you Travis."

A displeased sound erupted from Legend's mouth. "I can't make fun of that one."

"It's perfect!" Hyrule proclaimed, eyes shining as he jumped to his feet. "Thank you, Four!"

"Don't mention it." Four decided to not point out that Legend could easily torment 'Rule with the name by labeling him a travesty. Hyrule's beaming face assured Four that some things were better left unsaid.

That settled, the six heroes focused their attention on the three squabbling members of their party.

"Listen to it for a second," Time was saying, expression intense as he peered down at the disagreeable faces of Twilight and Wind. " _Fa_ - _do_. It's literally composed of musical syllables. That automatically makes it a sing-songy _feminine_ name."

"Only if you sing it!" Wind protested, stomping his foot in frustration. "Faaado~ of course it would sound sing-songy when you say it that way."

"I didn't say it that way."

"You did!"

"You definitely did." Twi nodded seriously. He pointed an accusatory finger at his mentor. "You're changing the pronunciation on us to make your case which can only mean you have no case at all."

"Yeah!"

The ranch hand and sailor shared a celebratory high-five, all the while glaring at Time.

Legend caught their attention with a startlingly graceful shout of, "Hey, morons!" The veteran hero placed a hand on Hyrule's shoulder. "His name is Travis now. Twi, pick your name so we can leave."

"I—"

"Wait, we're not done here," Time objected, refusing to admit defeat.

"You're done, old man," Warrior informed him. "Sorry to say, but they have you beat."

"We still respect you," Sky assured him as Twilight and Wind jogged over to rejoin the rest of the group. At some point, the three of them had migrated to the opposite side of camp to argue.

"That's not what I'm concerned abou—"

"Twi. Your name," Legend demanded once more, having no fear of Time's wrath.

"Ah, right," Twilight cast his gaze to the sky briefly before bringing it back down. "Rusl. That'll be my name."

Grateful that the final name had been an easy decision, the group of heroes packed up their little camp and set off for Castle Town.

Time, unable to let bygones be bygones, continued to heckle Wind and Twilight, leading to the three of them weaving in and out of the rest of the group as the younger heroes did their best to dodge the eldest and his explanations for why Fado could only be a girl's name.

Eventually, Wind and Twilight took off ahead, daring the old man to follow them and knowing fully well he wouldn't on account of his cumbersome armor and not-so youthful legs.

This left Time in a sour mood, which Legend and Warrior found hilarious considering the man's typically no-nonsense demeanor. Seeing the Hero of Time _pouting_ of all things was too rare to ignore, and Wild made sure to snap a picture to commemorate the occasion. All the history buffs in his Hyrule were sure to love this photograph. If he was extra lucky, a sculptor would seal the expression in stone for eternity.

Saying as much to Time had him on the receiving end of the man's wrath, but Wild simply laughed, refusing to delete to picture no matter what types of bodily harm or methods of embarrassment Time threatened him with. The old man would never follow through with any of them, after all.

It was around this time the group of seven reached the entrance of Castle Town and came to the conclusion, courtesy of Four, that they had no idea where they were going.

Twilight and Wind had come to a similar conclusion and reluctantly doubled back to escort the others to the new inn. Going to the inn they'd previously been ejected from was out of the question, since they would only raise more suspicion by marching in there with completely different names than before. They had no choice but to find a different establishment for lodgings tonight.

Time scolded them for running off upon their return, but neither boy minded all that much. As far as they were concerned, they had won the war and nothing the old man could say now could snatch their victory away.

With Twilight in the lead, the party soon found themselves standing before the reception desk at a cozy inn, requesting rooms.

"Let's see…four rooms for one night. That will be eighty rupees." The young lady behind the counter dragged a thick tome in front of her, poising a pen over the page in preparation to write. "Who will be staying with us?"

This was it! The question that had condemned them at the previous inn. Armed with normalcy, or some semblance of it, there was no way on Din's red earth, they could be denied a good night's rest. They could practically feel the soft mattresses and feather-filled pillows beneath their tired bodies. With that fantasy—soon to be reality—spurring them on, they each drew in a breath and answered.

"Oliver!"

"Ivan."

"Garrick."

"Gale!"

"Rusl."

"Cori."

"Skyler."

"Travis."

"Gulley."

"Uh…" The woman lowered her writing utensil, stunned. She stared at the nine customers in front of her as hopelessly confused as any sane person would be when bombarded with multiple responses to a question that only required one.

Realizing their mistake, the Links froze as well.

The Hero of Twilight was the first to snap out of it. Dirty-blond bangs shading his eyes, he stepped forward and slapped down an orange rupee. The resulting clatter as the gem met the wooden counter caused the poor lady to jump in fright.

"Link," Twilight said. "Just…put it under Link."

"Which room?"

The ranch hand raised his head, giving the innkeeper full view of his haunted eyes. They bored into her soul with all the weight of a man that had seen too much. "All of them."

"Ah—o-okay." The woman fumbled with her pen for a moment before regaining a solid grip on it and scribbling in the guestbook. She scuttled to the back wall and snatched four keys off a hook.

"Here you are, Mr. Link," she said, nerves rocketing her voice higher than normal as she dumped the keys into Twilight's awaiting palm. "The room numbers are on the keys."

"Thank you," Twilight said stiffly, enclosing the iron keys in a fist and turning toward the staircase.

"W-wait! Your change!" The woman cried, noticing the orange rupee and hastily tearing open a pouch she'd just produced from behind the counter.

"Keep it." Twilight was too tired to wait. He just wanted to collapse into a bed and forget about today.

His companions seemed to share his sentiment, for there weren't any protests against Twi blowing more money than needed. Even Legend, normally stingy about everything, remained silent on the matter as they trudged up the steps.

The silence didn't last long, however. "Someone remind me why we didn't use our real name before," Time requested.

"Because we're idiots," Twilight answered without missing a beat.

"Hey!" Legend protested indignantly. "Don't call me an idiot for your mistake."

Twilight whirled around to glare at the bare-legged boy. "You didn't think of it either! You're as just as much of an idiot as I am." He dragged a hand down his face. "We all are."

None of them could deny that. Lesser men would have broken down in the hallway right there, crying about the afternoon they'd wasted coming up with fake names for no reason. But they were not lesser men. They were heroes.

"Hey, old man, any chance you can rewind time so we didn't waste all afternoon being idiots?" Warrior hazarded hopefully.

"I could…" Time said, tone pensive as his hand strayed for the bag at his side.

"Then what are you waiting for?! Legend demanded. "Do it! Save us from ourselves."

Time released a sigh so heavy it shook the world. "I'm afraid that won't change anything. Even if I went back and used the name Link to register us at the other inn, we would still be idiots at heart. No one else might remember but we will."

"Is that a fact?" Four wondered.

"I don't know. I've never tried traveling back in time with a large group before."

"So you're saying there's a chance we might not remember this fiasco?" Warrior asked.

"Yes."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take!" Wind cheered, punching a fist in the air. The other Links chimed in their agreement. All except for Time, that is.

"I am not."

"What? Why?" Twilight wanted to know. He would rather forget his stupidity, so he couldn't fathom why anyone would wish to recall their own.

"Because I will remember no matter what."

Legend scoffed. "So?"

Time glared down at them all, his single eye full of fire. "So I refuse to be the only idiot."

"You're going to drag us down with you?!" Legend exclaimed in outrage.

"That's right," Time returned emotionlessly. "If I have to be aware of my idiocy, so do the rest of you."

"He has too much power!" Wind cried, shoving Twilight in front of him as if he expected the Ordonian to punch the power out of the legendary hero. Unfortunately, that was impossible.

"That's…that's so cruel," Hyrule whimpered, dropping to his knees and gazing up at the eldest hero with fear in his eyes.

"You have no soul!" Warrior sobbed into his scarf.

"No heart is more like it," Sky said, tears streaming down his face as well.

"We all have the same soul," Four muttered, ever the logician. However, it was clear he was against Time's holding them hostage to their follies as well, judging by the way his face scrunched up in a displeased frown.

"Time, please," Wild begged, grasping at the man's sleeve. "Don't do this to us."

"Sorry boys—" Time said, not sounding sorry in the least. "—but I'm not going down alone." He shook off Wild and approached Twilight who courageously stood his ground, fists raised valiantly.

The armored man pried one open and snatched a key. "Consider this payback for earlier."

Twilight blinked in astonishment, his brain struggling to process his mentor's ice cold words.

Everyone else was much quicker to understand what Time meant and redirected their animosity at Twilight and Wind.

Hastening to make amends before the others turned murderous, Wind jumped out from where he'd been crouched behind Twilight and pursued Time down the hall. "Okay, okay! You win! Fado's a girl's name!"

Twilight followed suit, shouting similar words of apologetic acquiescence at Time's retreating back.

Upon reaching the correct door, Time inserted the key in the lock and turned to the boys groveling at his feet. He opened his mouth, and Twilight and Wind perked up, faces shining with hope.

"Get some sleep. We have things to do tomorrow." With that, the Hero of Time entered the room and slammed the door in their faces.

Wind and Twilight stood in front of the door, stunned.

"Way to go, idiots!" Legend shouted from down the hall.

"We're all idiots, Legend!" Twilight shouted right back, throwing his hands in the air. "We've established this!"

With nothing left to do but accept their terrible fate, the heroes shuffled to their respective rooms. Only then, with doors firmly closed, did they lament the loss of their afternoon.

Breaking down in the hallway would have been unbecoming. They may have been idiots, but they were idiots with standards, and no one could take that away from them.

* * *

**Bonus:**

Sitting in bed, Wild stared down at his palms in abject horror. "Everything—everything we've done up until now…" He clenched his hands into fists and squeezed his eyes shut. A single tear traced a trail down his cheek, moonlight catching it as it fell from his chin and plopped onto the blanket across his legs. "It was all for nothing…"

Legend chucked a pillow at the champion's face. It connected with a _foomph!_ , knocking Wild onto his back.

"GO TO SLEEP!"

**Author's Note:**

> To any Game Grumps fans, look in the comments. There's an extra bonus. :)


End file.
